Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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