that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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