Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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