Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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