32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
