i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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