i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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