I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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