idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
