i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
