hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
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