Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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