I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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