Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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