Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
