I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
