even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
