my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
