Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
