i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
