I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
