why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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