I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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