You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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