It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
