guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
