he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
