i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
