i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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