Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
