im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
