32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
