This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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