every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
