the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
