just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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