The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
