I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
