But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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