Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
