pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
