i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
