dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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