I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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