my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
