There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
