You're completely useless in the revolution.
too bad you live with your parents still
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
