he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
