so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
