I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The adults are the big ones right?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
